thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
