The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
