drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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