I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
