Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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