What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
