oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
