A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
