Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
