Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
