you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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