Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
