just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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