id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
