I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
