So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize