I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
