i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize