he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
