Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
