i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
