and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
