I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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