I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
