Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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