would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
