I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize