She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
