dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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