apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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