I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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