There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
