Do vagina's smell?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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