I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
