you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
