I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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