Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize