I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
