i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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