I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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