ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
