wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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