It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
