Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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