But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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