On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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