He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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