i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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