Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
