The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
two words: eviction party
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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