My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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