No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
