First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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