Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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