I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If that was your dad, he is hot
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this will be a night to untag.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
