dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
