Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
