Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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