I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
