I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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