Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
