Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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